The beginning of a new series!

I'm so excited to be starting this new series. It began with doing a drawing of my girlfriend as her drag character Sylver. Then, as I was finishing it I was coming to terms with my deep love of rhinestones. I decided that her portrait needed to be wildly studded!

At the same time that was happening, I was feeling an incredible urge to begin drawing portraits of my students. They inspire me in a lot of ways. And I wanted a chance to celebrate them. I chose one of my students who has a big personality. He's very dedicated to the program and focused on his dreams and personal goals. He's also one of my gay students. He and his best friend joined me in starting an LGBTQ group at the school. It's small and simple for now. We meet at lunch a few times a week and just talk about what ever is on our mind. After spending some time with these students I realized what a wonderful project it would be to create a series of portraits of my LGBTQ students, similar to the new ones you see below. So that's exactly what I'm doing. I have about 6 more portraits to start working on. I'm really excited! I hope you are too.  :)

Puppett as Slyver

Detail

Student #1

Detail

I'm super excited about my newest works-in-progress!! More to come. I hope you enjoy the sneak peak! And thanks for checking out my blog!! :)

I Love Margaret Cho!

Shut Up Karl

February 9th, 2012

You should hide behind that fan Karl Lagerfeld, shame on you, for calling Adele ‘a little bit fat’. Who are you? What is the point of saying that? What are you trying to prove? Why are you trying to cut a bitch down? Shame shame shame. Don’t read people as that only leads to being read to and you don’t want to hear that story. You have talked about being bullied, and I am sure you were. I see it, as I was bullied too, and I am disappointed in you, for here you have proven yourself to be quite good at it, and you are the very worst kind – a condescending one.

Adele is nothing less than amazing. She is a true, courageous and rare talent and someone who has captured the attention and the admiration of the world in a seriously short time. She is ALSO a great beauty and tremendously meaningful incandescent wonder. She looks so awesome, her loveliness radiates from her strong and fast spinning interior klieg lights and brightens everything to the degree that it makes even dark, overcast me feel luminous and fierce and worthy.  That’s what a light like her does. She lights up our life. She is beaming through the clouds and bringing you the sun. Fuck you if you can’t realize that. Fuck you and your fucking glasses. Take them off for a second and see the goddamn light. Self tanner doesn’t give you no vitamin D. You need sun.

Adele sings and I wish I could sing like that, and I do, in the shower. I wonder if i could look like her. Maybe 20 years ago that could have been me. Maybe I am beautiful after all. Maybe everyone was wrong about me. Maybe I am going to be loved. Maybe I’ll be happy someday. Maybe, yes. Maybe.

It sounds complex because it is terribly complex, but curiously simple and plain. When you see someone you identify with, who has a body that could be your body, and you recognize it on the screen because you remember it from the mirror and you watch them shine and conquer and overcome and overwhelm and startle and take over the world, you think you can do the same. It gives you strength. It’s powerful, indescribably so. A star like her – we haven’t had someone like that for a while. She’s been desperately needed. Where you been all our lives Adele? I am just glad you’re here.

Adele changes the game and all the rules. She makes a generation of women, young and old, want to play. She makes us feel like we could win, we could actually win this time. Finally, we have our eyes on the prize. When she’s on the cover of a magazine, I buy it right then and there. She doesn’t look like the girls who are always on the cover of a magazine. She looks better, and all the more so because she really fucking deserves to be there.

Why are you trying to tarnish that? why are you trying to spit on her success and fame? Its ugly. It’s uncouth and unfair. And I know that you, as you have the kind of face and frame easily run to fat – its familiar as I have the same – I know you’ve struggled. I have felt for you. You know what it feels like to be judged. Why do it? Because you’ve made it to the other side? Is it better there? Aren’t you hungry? I am, just looking at you. I know to be as thin as you are now, you need to control everything that goes into your mouth every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I wish you were as ardent in controlling what came out of it.

I don’t know why we care what you have to say. We don’t have the luxury to starve for fashion. We have to work for a living. We have double shifts. We carry groceries we can barely buy with our meager salaries up many flights of stairs and feed our children and deal with our children being molested and woefully sometimes bury our children and find a way to live through this, being merely children ourselves. We worry through vocal surgery and survive the silence and still go to gigs and keep from getting hit and if we do, successfully cover the bruises with concealer so we can go to school and to the DMV and SXSW and keep our heads up high while being unloved or loved by the wrong ones and hang in the friend zone as we hang our laundry out to dry and run for the bus and fight for the right to marriage while finalizing painful divorces and try amidst all this to keep going and get by.

When you say we are fat, you murder our grace, and we’ve already lost so much to begin with. We’ve already lost everything, except weight. That we gain steadily, along with self hatred, and all you are doing is adding to our burden, pressing down on the scale with the long toe of your fine, elegantly tassled loafer.

We don’t have millions of dollars to perforate our fat with expensive, experimental injections. We don’t have time to be lightheaded and sick with hunger. We can’t afford fasting clinics in the Swiss Alps or a messianic nutritionist or portion controlled meals wrapped up in white linen and enshrouded in Chanel camellias. We have to pay the rent and pay for gas and if eating is some comfort to us in our difficult lives, let it be so. Just let us be. Let us listen to Adele, who is triumphantly one of us and let us enjoy her and feel like her and think we are her for a moment and be safe in her music and in our heads.

To someone like you or me or Adele or anyone really, to be called fat is the gravest insult, and the injury in yours is that you say she has a beautiful face. How many of us have heard the same thing and suffered more for it? Its not a compliment. It’s like saying ‘my, what a fabulous turd.’ Keep your compliments and condescension to yourself. It doesn’t soften what you know in your heart to be a mighty blow.

You consider yourself to be the authority on style, as you are supposedly style personified but what good is style when you have no class? What good is style when you have no humanity? What good is style when you make us want to kill ourselves? We are dying, Karl. Lots of us are already dead.

Don’t bother apologizing, as I am sure your people, your ‘Team Lagerfeld’ is advising you to do. There is no ‘I’ in team, but if there were, there would be a Tim and a Tam and have you had a Tim Tam? You should. They are real good. What you could do instead of offering an empty apology is design for us, all the regular folks in the world, and really go for it. Make clothes that flatter us, make us feel good about ourselves. Make beautiful things that glorify us but won’t bankrupt our bank accounts or our spirit. Do your job, dummy. Be the sartorial equivalent to Adele’s music. I know you have it in you. There is immeasurable genius behind all your idiocy, behind the ridiculous glasses, within the high perimeter of that starched collar.

If you say it isn’t possible, then you are useless. If you say you can’t do it and that it is our own fault that we can’t be thin enough for your vision, then you are a dismal failure, and you’ve always been one and you always will be.

We are sick of only being able to wear your fragrance. It stinks of selfishness and stupidity and lack of effort and frankly, that is beneath you, because honestly, I know you try, just like we try. We are all trying Karl, but I am asking you to try harder. With your prodigious means and power, you could change things for the better, for generations to come. But if you don’t want to now, then you probably won’t ever, which is sad and wasteful of your lavish gifts and a precious opportunity lost. If you want to be that way then flap that fan until you take flight and fill the thin air with your antique birdsong – out of earshot, so we can listen to Adele in peace.

P.S. I know he apologized but I still think this is a good piece of writing and truly worth reading. I was a little late responding because I was so angry!! As I wrote, I was crying and clenching and unclenching my jaw and my asshole at the same time. It would have been nice for someone else I guess but unfortunately I was alone. Fashion just hurts my feelings all the time. I love his work, even though it never fits me and I can’t even get my arms in a beautiful white silk sequin pantsuit I have of his I bought on ebay. I keep it and I look at it and I am enraged but I can’t fucking throw it out because it is so nice. I have a bunch of clothes of his like that. It is sick. Ok, I am considering his apology. But he needs to make shit we can actually fucking wear. 

Margaret Cho

The Art Museum of the Americas

While in D.C. last week we went to two important sites: The Art Museum of the Americas and the Vietnam Veterans Memorial wall. Check out the pics below!

This next paragraph is pasted directly from the museum website:

http://museum.oas.org/  

ABOUT THE EXHIBIT
Ñew York, featuring works by young, outstanding Latin American and Spanish artists residing in New York City commemorates a long lost artistic exchange and recovers innovative communication channels between Latin American and Spanish plastic and visual artists.  The exhibition incorporates New York City as the current setting where these creative forces re-encounter themselves.

The exhibition addresses mobility in an era of widespread displacement where barriers between the global and the local are broken down. Motion (mobility), emotion (personal artistic work) and promotion (promote and advance the careers of expat artists) are all addressed throughout the show.

The artists were selected based on their accomplishments, artistic careers and their approach to concepts of mobility, migration and cultural exchange, all intrinsic to a city where new ideas, experiences and diversity converge.

Curated by Paco Cano, Eva Mendoza Chandas and Jodie Dinapoli (all from Spain), Ñew York showcases the work of 19 artists from 10 countries from Latin America and Spain -all based in New York - who have made this city the gravitating force of their artistic discourse.

I hope you enjoyed this little taste of an excellent show! 

Homophobia in the classroom

On the last day of my first term as a high school art teacher I finally experienced the voice of homophobia from one of my students. I knew it would eventually happen and I would have to speak up without getting too emotional. The last period of the day came and the bell would ring in about 5 minutes. My students were busy socializing and making art and out of that I heard the word "faggot". I immediately looked up from my desk at the student who said it and I said "I will not tolerate homophobia in my classroom. Do you understand?" The boy said he was only joking. No one in the class was paying attention at this point so I walked over to him so that we could talk. He explained that he wasn't being serious and that it was only a joke. He made note that I had turned pale and that I looked personally hurt. He exclaimed his apologies and asked me why it was such a big deal. Asked me if I was gay or something. I said yes, but that that was besides the point. We talked about how that word can affect someone. How hurtful it can be and how much hate spreads when it is used. He didn't understand, because he was still under the impression that being gay is a choice. We ended up talking about the recent suicides that are occurring with our gay youth. He didn't know about it, so I took the time to inform him. He felt awful and was really trying to understand. Eventually the bell rang and he had to leave shortly after. Anyway, that was last week and,  today I got online and saw this article on huffington post and thought I would share my experience (see article below). When I heard this student say that word in my class I was so scared for the students that might be gay who heard him. I don't want my students to feel that kind of shame and hate, even if it's coming from someone who isn't intentionally being hurtful.

Kenneth Weishuhn, Gay Iowa Teen, Commits Suicide After Allegedly Receiving Death Threats

Posted: 04/17/2012 11:27 am Updated: 04/17/2012 11:33 am

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A gay Iowa teen has taken his own life after friends and family say that classmates sent him death threats on his cell phone and made him the subject of a Facebook hate group.

As KTIV is reporting, 14-year-old Kenneth Weishuhn Jr. began to be teased and bullied by classmates at South O'Brien High School after he came out earlier this year. "People that were originally his friends, they kind of turned on him," sister Kayla Weishuhn, a sophomore, is quoted as saying. "A lot of people, they either joined in or they were too scared to say anything."

The anti-gay teasing reportedly also continued online, where classmates created a hate group against gays and added Kenneth's friends as members, and got even worse when the freshman started receiving death threats from students on his phone.

Weishuhn’s mother Jeannie Chambers said her son told her, "Mom, you don’t know how it feels to be hated."

Details on Weishuhn's death are otherwise scarce, but a Facebook group has already been started in the teen's memory. "Unfortunately, the culture most of us have been raised in has been the mindset that you get 'picked on' in school and that's just part of growing up," one user writes. "Bullying is like most other crimes, the only way it's going to stop is if the offenders get caught and are prosecuted."

Adds another: "I hate to think of what he must have gone through to decide suicide was his only option. I hope and pray all of these bullies feel responsible for what happened."

Going Backwards

Since I no longer occupy a 1,000 sq. ft. studio art studio and am now working inside our rather small diningroom, I decided to back tracked a bit and start working small once again. Also, I'm now teaching art at a high school in South L.A. and that takes up most of my time, so small works seem to just make sense to me right now. I'm also collaging a lot lately. Back when I was about 13 or 14, before I knew how to draw, I would spend hours making collages. I would utilize found images, paints, glue, ink, string, sewing/craft supplies, etc. But once I learned how to paint (about the age of 16) I stopped making collages as much. However, I never stopped collecting images and trinkets that interested me. Now, I'm feeling driven to work with them and I'm really excited.

I'm traveling right now with my fiance' so I'm just going to post the image of my small drawing that I recently worked on. Once we get back to LA I'll take some pictures on my collages. Although, come to think of it, I don't know if that work qualifies. I might adopt, for the time being, the word Assemblage, and  therefore dedicate some of my process to the late great Robert Rauschenberg. I can only hope to make art as wonderful and adventurous as he.

Anyway, back to that small painting. I think it's about 9"x7" on canvas. I'll measure more accurately when we get home. Aaah! Using travel as an excuse to procrastinate. Gotta love it!

I hope you enjoy! And thanks for joining me :)

Below is the large scale painting that I've been able to work on since moving to LA. This is about 4ft x 5.5 ft. 

I'll share with you the almost finished version soon. 

Here's me feeling sleepy:

And this is me as my drag character Jean Aquafine:

And this is me and Puppett (my fiance) as her drag character Silver:

And this is Puppett after taking off the first layer of make up:

Art as life and life as Art. 

Good night. I hope you enjoyed!!!

The new journey!!

It's really late but I've been meaning to update this for a long time. And since its so late I'm so tired I'm going to ad links to the other blog I've been writing. Here it is:

http://sendusonourway.blogspot.com/

or you can read what I posted on that blog right here:

Well, we finally got on the road (officially that is) Monday night around 5:30pm. We finished packing up the car in Maryland and headed straight to Richmond, VA to visit our friends Shira and Jack. But getting to this point was met with lots of challenges; e.g. our car stayed in the shop longer than we expected, which delayed our plans for starting our trip on Sunday morning. Though it felt like frustrating news, it also made us feel a little better because we had not been able to pack up our DoorToDoor cube yet.

Here's me in front of the pod with just the couch inside. 

 

It's the end of the night and we finally got everything in. We even managed to get this turkey roasting pan in!

Let’s back-track a little: Last Friday (the 30^th) was our official moving date from Philly. But first we had to get up at 8 o’ clock in the morning to go to a court hearing for a parking ticket due to an alleged Gay Rush Hour that apparently exists between the hours of 12:00 - 5:00 a.m. in the Gayborhood of Center City. It doesn’t make sense and it’s completely stupid, but we can’t do anything about it now. However, we were back at our car before 12:00, and the PPA officer was still writing us a ticket. So we got up and went to court. They took the $20 late fee off but we still have to pay the ticket. Blah. Whatevs. Next was lunch in China Town to say goodbye to a friend and then a quick nap at home because we stayed up all night packing the house and got 3 hours of sleep as a result. The nap didn’t help much. In fact, I think it made us dumber. THEN, we got in the car, scooped up our friend Makella and drove 30 minutes outside the city to pick up the only one-way Uhaul available and drove back to our South Philly apartment. That Uhaul pick-up experience is a whole different story, full of sketchy ridiculousness that I think we’ll have to get into later. Mak drove the truck and followed behind us, back to South Philly. We lived on a pretty small street, and anyone who knows South Philly knows that the people down there can be pretty ridiculous. I anticipated someone on our street getting grouchy about our truck blocking their path, and I even rehearsed my little speech of a response. I wanted to make sure I was kind, but firm, and therefore did not allow anyone to bully us.

I didn’t expect anyone to give us grief so fast. We got one item into the truck and already someone drove behind us and started yelling their complaints, saying she only had to drop off her groceries two houses up (rather than park in the open space right next to her even though we offered to help her carry her bags to the door).  I stepped in with my speech but it didn’t seem to work and I was still busy wiping away the tears from my cheeks from saying goodbye to my dear friend Gina. So, Bex* had to help and they succeeded in getting rid of the douchebag neighbor. After that, packing went smoothly with Bex* in charge of tetris-ing all our belongings into the Uhual. We were pleasantly soothed and entertained by the little baby Bex* brought to the house. He watched us pack, and he moved and giggled and googled the whole time. About 6 hours, a handful of errands, and 2 monster drinks later (around 9:30pm)  Makella got in the fully packed truck, and Puppet, me, and the dog all piled into the Corolla to head to Maryland, our first stop.

The ride to Gaithersburg was a laborious one. Mother Nature decided to give us crap-for-weather; it was dark, rainy and really cold. Puppet was incredibly tired and had a headache (packing all day on three hours of sleep can do that to a person), so the drive was even more challenging. We stopped a couple times for candy bars and juice, to walk around, and even for a 10-minute power nap. Lydia (our dog) had the great luxury of riding in the car with us and then riding in the Uhaul with Makella. Eventually we got to Puppet’s mom’s house at 1:30 in the morning. We were pleased that we made it safely and Andi (her mom) was happy to see us.

That night we slept like the dead and in the morning our whole bodies ached. We still hadn’t caught up on sleep but we still had a lot of planning to do, and the truck needed to be unloaded into the garage. So we got up and ploughed through it. Again, the weather was cold and rainy. Most of that day is a blur. I remember eating really good vegetarian Chinese food with Andi and her friend Nancy, who was lovely company. Then it was back to the house to take a long hot bath while Andi and Puppet went to Baskin Robbins for ice cream. We went to bed fairly early and in the morning went straight to packing up the cube. It took six hours (with a break in the middle) for me and Puppet to get everything into this wooden box. We were SO proud of ourselves when we finally got everything in. We even managed to cram in the Christmas tree (ahem…. Channukah bush)!! I think that the next time I play tetris, I should win it with flying colors. Our main priority was to safely pack all of the art, art supplies and our desks so that we can be productive little artists when we arrive in LA! After that, everything else could be left behind if need be. But we succeeded at getting everything we brought down to Maryland, except three small sentimental pieces of furniture, and an ikea futon frame. (The sentimental furniture has a good temporary home with Andi. But, if anyone is interested in that futon frame, let me know. You can have it for free).

Since we ended up staying that extra day (car in the shop for super long), we got to see Puppet’s sister and her sister’s boyfriend, since they were flying in from London on Sunday, and I got to meet them for the first time. They both live in LA, and all of our itineraries were originally such that made it impossible for us to see each other in Maryland. But since the car/shop issues changed our plans, we were able to see them. The night was laid back since we were all tired. So we talked for a bit and then went our separate ways to the beds that awaited us.

The next morning, our last and final morning before our for-realzies road trip, Puppet and I got up and received the good news that our car was finally ready! We quickly ate breakfast and got straight to packing up our stuff for the car.

Just when we thought we would never really get on the road, we were finally cramming everything into our little Corolla. Food, pillows, suitcases, water, dog food and crafty supplies, all packed and organized as best as possible. Around 5:30pm we set the GPS to Richmond, VA. Lydia (our pooch) hopped in the back seat, and we drove off. The reality of the long-awaited start to our adventure set in for Puppet (she immediately started bursting with little gleeful giggles), way before it set-in for me. I think it took me about 10-15 minutes of driving, and getting on a highway, for me to catch up to her level of excitement. It wasn’t going to be real until we actually left Gaithersburg.

The drive was fun, even though the glare of all the headlights on the road gave us both headaches. We got to Shira’s house around 9:00pm and she took us to this amazing little basement vegan restaurant/bar called Ipanema. We had the best grilled tofu sandwiches ever! Thank you Shira for sharing that cozy little nook with us! We were all pretty pooped after that so we went back to Shira’s house to hang out and then went to bed.  Puppet and I actually thought it could be a good idea to share the couch for the night, since our other option was to sleep on the floor. Spooning works right? Wrong! I wish there was a camera filming us throughout the night ‘cause the way we would wake up every 30 minutes to an hour and shift and change positions was hilarious. You’re just gonna have to take my word for it.

In the morning we were finally met with beautiful sunny weather and the three of us joined Puppet’s friend Jack at a local restaurant for breakfast. So far the trip has been wonderful. Not just because of the thrill of traveling and being on the road, but because we’ve already been able to spend time with such wonderful people. Check out the photos of the lovelies we got to hang out with in Richmond!

Shira, Puppet, Ashley, and Jack

"The album cover"

After breakfast, we were on our way to North Carolina to visit Missy and Jim!! Yay!! I grew up with Missy back in Florida and Jim is her fabulous husband whom I have had the pleasure of hanging out with on many wonderful occasions. I knew that no matter where they were residing, I would instantly feel at home in their presence. I was excited for Puppet to meet them both.

The ride to Canton, NC was really fun. Puppet and I listened to lots of music, battled the jerky 18-wheelers on the highway, giggled, told stories, and took coffee breaks. Along the way, as we got closer to our destination, we saw a big burly dude driving a motorcycle. To his right was a side-car with his adorable dog, and behind his seat he had a case of Natty Ice beer strapped down securely. We tried taking pictures but it was pretty hard to get a good shot.

It was also on this trip that I experienced the necessity of stretching my legs as much as possible. Apparently I was not built to stay still for long intervals.

We got to Missy and Jim’s house last night around 9:00 pm. It’s been 2 years since I’ve seen them and as always, it felt like it was just yesterday that we were all laughing together. Missy already had a huge pot of chicken and vegetable soup on the stove ready for us! Puppet managed to eat about 5 bowls of Missy’s delicious soup, and she could barely talk afterwards because her food coma was so hefty. But her slow reactions to everything made for some good laughs. She’s pretty adorable when that happens.

So now we’re all caught up. Well, kinda. There is, of course, lots of details that I just don’t have the time to mention. Right now it’s Wednesday October 10^th and Missy, Puppet, Lydia and I just got done romping through a corn “Maiz”. Missy is in the kitchen cookin’ up a huge dinner for all of us, so I think I’m gonna step away from my computer to draw some pictures and enjoy the amazing smells coming from the kitchen.

Tomorrow we’ll be on our way to Tennessee!! Yay!!

                        And to get the full story of how this adventure all started go to:
http://www.indiegogo.com/Send-Us-On-Our-Way

or read this first:

Our Story

This is a story about Ashley Payne and Puppet. Ashley and Puppet dated three and a half years ago at The University of the Arts (Philadelphia, PA).

Ashley was unable to commit to a long-term, happy relationship due to her own struggles with her past and need to overcome personal traumas. She broke up with Puppet and pursued various relationships and pushed with all her subconscious might to forget about Puppet. She graduated with a BFA in Fine Arts/Painting and Drawing.

Unbeknownst to Ashley, Puppet began writing her (unsent) letters, and promised she would wait three years for her. Puppet continued writing for a year, and after closing this book of letters, she strove to find ways to move forward, including pursuing other relationships. She graduated with a BFA in Film and Digital Video.

After three years of soul-searching and facing down her demons, Ashley realized the partner she was looking for all along was Puppet. They rejoined, and together have decided it is time to move from Philadelphia to Los Angeles in pursuit of their artistic/career/life goals and to chase after their dreams.

In the five years that they have been in Philadelphia, both of these artists have already made an impact.

Puppet's thesis film so far screened in four film festivals (including Philadelphia QFest) and won two awards. She is writing new scripts, editing films, and soaking up inspiration and courage. Her work constantly deals with the human condition, and the gray areas of decision making and right and wrong.

Ashley's work has shown and sold in a variety of galleries. Her paintings evolve, but tend to focus on impulse and instinct, struggling to discover what is hiding in the subconscious. She is currently reconnecting with her theater background and getting back into performing.

With around $90,000 in school loans, it's hard to save up money to move. We have been making enough to get by in Philadelphia, and we know when we get to L.A., we will do the same (and even better) there. But we need help to get there. And that's where you come in.

We've had a wonderful run in Philadelphia. Now we're asking for your help to get us to Hollywood. Although you can't donate money to help us get married, since queer marriage isn't legal yet, you CAN donate money to help us get our careers started together! 

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